About the Blog

Thoughts off the cuff about life and it's wonders
Introspective fluff meant to recount the blunders
Take it at face, If you must take it all
For it speaks to us both, Who feign standing tall

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Fear the indifference...

I'll admit it, I'm afraid of a lot of things.
Heights, gangsters, Aids and pranksters.
Just to name a few.

But what really drives me, what pushes me to an anxious precipice
Is a fear of failure.
Of letting people down.
Of not living up to expectations.

But to their faces
I shrug and say "whatever."
While inside I'm crippled. 

By thoughts of falling and not getting up.
Of staggering too far behind my peers.
Of succumbing to my fears. 
Of not being liked, hired, or invited. 

Taught to hide the weakness.
For fear of being eaten alive. 
Taught to drive my fears deep inside.

So I wear this mask of indifference.
Pretending to be too cool too care.
Too chill to worry.
Too self-aware to struggle.

Maybe I'm so frozen in my step.
In what other people think.
In subjective measures of my success 
That malaise tunnels into me like cancer.

Does it trick me into avoiding trying altogether?
Too frustrated to deal with the questions of life 
And plans for tomorrow?
Am I simply a prisoner of my own self-doubt?

Idle hands, wasted time, and feigned satisfaction.
All excuses I've accepted for not pushing the envelope.
For not wanting it more.
For settling into my comfort zone.
For letting the fear manifest its ugly face.

For it must be fear that drives me.
That catalyzes my every move. 
That renders me helplessly cloaked in indifference. 


  1. impressed but not surprised by your unquenching thirst to do you .... keep it up petey .... always stay true to yourself and never let that sparkle in your eye that i've loved your whole life die ....

  2. Sometimes I wonder if the indifference makes us all stronger or just lonely. It's frustrating sometimes to have to simply trust that each of us is struggling to succeed rather than acknowledging it to one another. Thanks for writing this one down.

  3. Hey Shaker - Really insightful stuff, keep it up & enjoy the journey!

  4. Sher: no worries, i'm grinding. the sparkle's my catalyst... it's always going to be there.

    Chaue: Some of are frustrated and some of aren't. Some of us show it, but most of us don't. If there's anything we can learn from history, it's that the human predicament (as Brad so perfectly once said to me) affects everyone. So, why not talk about it. Sure, I'm all for being Stoic, but sometimes I think group projects are better than going it alone. So, no worries. It was my pleasure.

    Noelle: thanks!